Archive for the ‘ Musings ’ Category

Worship Is, as Worship Does.

Worship is that time in church before the preacher guy comes up, and after they pray, right?

Or, when we clap our hands when the pastor says, “Lift up a shout of praise!” Then we clap. (Dunno why. He said “shout”. Hands don’t shout.)

Or, when we still very still and very quietly, with hands folded for a very long time. (Dunno what that does either. Seems like a tricky game of Sleeping Lion, where you aren’t allowed to go to sleep.)

Or, when we give something like money, or volunteering, It shows what good people we are.

Worship is a person walking around with a sense of adoration, amazement, and ecstasy toward God. They aren’t worried about things not being perfect. Not worried about somebody’ else’s obnoxiousness.

But lets talk about churchy worship. Ya know, before that preacher guy starts talking us into Boresville. That band (well that’s what they call themselves) comes up and starts playing some upbeat tune that you really enjoy (you don’t know how you know this song, but you like it. Come to think of it, you don’t even know where you first heard this song. They don’t play it on the radio. Can you even remember a different band’s version of this song? Me either). The ‘band’ was rocking pretty good until the preacher interrupted them to pray. Now they’re going back into it, but that guitarist can’t seem to keep up with the drummer (which is super weird, because they’re like 12 feet from each other. And I’ve heard rumors that that drummer has caused 2 people to need inner-ear-reconstructive-surgery). And that soloist’s vibrato is as wide as her hips (she must have to purchase a whole row of seat’s on airplanes. 2 for her hips and 3 more for that voice).

Well now they’re done. Preacher guy asks us to give said ‘band’ a round of applause. We all applaud (mostly because that means they’re leaving the stage, which is the biggest blessing I’ve gotten since my Christmas Bonus). Now the preacher tells us to bow our heads and talk to God in our own way (no one ever says anything. This place makes libraries look like night clubs).

Now preacher-man starts telling Aunt Ruth’s paulbearers to come up and distribute bowls for us to put money in (why do these guys where those awful purple suede blazers? They don’t even go with black… they’re that purple. They do somehow compliment the carpet though). Oh crap! That guitarist is coming back onstage! (Didn’t we just get rid of him?) He announces that he’s been inspired to write a song. Great. You recognize this sing too. But it has a completely different set of elements to it. Oh yeah… this is a Johnny Cash tune. This guy just changed the lyrics… not much either… and that doesn’t rhyme. And we applaud again.

Preacher-man gets us to stand up to read from the Good Book. This is your favorite part. Not because you like to read. No. (He talks so fast, no one can even find the right passage, never mind following along. This is the only place where people get read to – outside of elementary school). You like this time because this is the first time blood has entered your legs since the ‘band’ had their last ‘gig’.

Preacher-man continues with a really wordy lecture about walking what you talk. This guy is the king of quotable phrases (he also has the most amazing accent. But that doesn’t do it justice. Its more like an entire persona he operates in. It’s like Georgia native meets football fan, meets Red Bull, meets bad comedian, meets used car salesman).

Whadda know? It’s time to leave. On your way out you think, “I really wish this church met me on my level.”

Is it really them?
Is it really you?
Should they spoon feed you?
Should you dive in?



Life is like an attic

Soundtrack to blog by: PLAY

My attic is full of stuff I don’t need. And it’s there because I’m scared to throw it away. There’s stuff that really has no business being in there that has found a piece of prime real estate – and it’s in the way. I tried moving it. But it found it’s way back. I can’t get rid of it, because I’ll need it soon, right? I’ll just have to try to avoid it.
It also seems like that the stuff that should be in my attic is never convenient. That’s probably because the stuff that shouldn’t be there is in the way. Not only that, but the REALLY good stuff that I want is in the tightest spaces. It’s nearly impossible to reach, it’s always so far away, and (worst of all) it’s dangerous to go there.
If I miscalculate just a little, there is a panel of spikes to attack me and tell me everything I’ve done wrong. If I mis-step, I’ll land on someone’s airflow and lose someone dear to me. If that wasn’t bad enough, this whole thing could giveaway, and I’ll fall – destroying everything I’ve worked for…

Are we still talking about attics?

I once had a daydream about retrofitting my attic. I thought I setup a projector screen all the way on one side. And build a platform on the other. Then I’d just stick a couch up there, and BOOM! perfect movie theatre! Then I realized all those posts would block my view (and why are they all on funky angles too?). So I thought, “Simple, I’ll just remove a few”. No biggie. There’s plenty of them. And it’d be a small price to pay to completely makeover my attic. (cuz we’re still talking about attics)
Turns out those posts are there to hold my roof up. I like my roof. I don’t think about it too much, but I definitely like it. And those funky angles are actually designed that way to distribute weight and maximize wind resistance. So I’ve named my funky angles Morals and Values. They still get in the way though. But I’ve built my whole life around funky angles. And they make up a lot of the things that make me, ME.

So it turns out there’s a reason why I don’t have a movie theatre in my attic. I’d be way cooler with one though. It’d be easier to reach stuff too. But my attic is the way it is because it’s been DESIGNED that way. I think it just needs to be cleaned

I haven’t been talking about attics.